Weird Confidence…
I just reread this from a previous prayer letter I sent out. It was an encouraging reminder of God’s faithfulness, so I thought I’d dump it on the blog…
“Brother Jonathan, would you do my Quienceañera?”
“Umm… sure, I’d love to.”
Weeks later, I’m sitting at my computer overwhelmed. In an hour, Hessel’s sweet 15 will be beginning, and I’m frantically trying to figure out what I’ve gotten myself into. All I’ve got is the rough outline for the message I’m supposed to give, but even there, I can’t tell if it’s from the Lord or my frazzled brain. Before heading out the door, I check my email one last time and find an email from my good friend, Rob Munyan, with his ideas for what I should say. I get goose bumps reading his rough outline, because it’s almost identical to my rough outline. Same thought, same Scripture passage and everything.
So I walk out the door in a cloud of weird confidence that only comes from God. We get to the place at 5 sharp, just like we’d been told, and there are only 4 people there (2 being the professional photographers). So we wait till six and there are now 15 people, but none of the birthday group. I ask one of the guests where everyone is, and she just says, “Mesican time”. So finally, at 6:30 Hessel and her entourage shows up and asks me to start the service for the 20-30 people there. They hand me the mic, but the only sound it seems to be making is this really loud screeching noise that an angry dinosaur would make. Every time I try to say something the people recoil in pain and frantically try to cover their ears. For the next 30 minutes they keep trying to fix it, and it keeps painfully screeching forth from the speakers that are as tall as me.
I tell Hector and Sylvia (Hessel’s parents) that, “It’s ok, I don’t need to do it.” By this time I’ve secretly and shamefully started dreaming that maybe they won’t need me to do it. Sylvia interrupts my dreaming, “NO! You need talk!” Hector takes off running to get a mic from Radio Shack.
While Hector is out mic shopping, the crowd quickly swells to 200-300 people. To keep the crowd entertained the DJ has started the dance party, which is fully underway- laser light show, disco ball and a mob of dancing Mexicans. Meanwhile, I’ve drifted into a dark corner and am emotionally curled up in the fetal position. That cloud of “weird confidence” has completely evaporated and has been replaced with a dark cloud of dread. I’m thinking about how I’m the only white guy in the whole place. I’m thinking about the impossible transition from drunken dance party to my thoughts on the abundant life that’s only found in Jesus. I’m looking down at the ripples in my grape soda and feel like I’ve stepped into that scene in Jurassic Park when the TRex is coming. Boom, boom, boom… I’m wanting to be anywhere else.
At around 8:15 Sylvia grabs me by the arm and pulls me back into a harsh reality. Hector got a mic. It’s show time. I frantically find Jorge (my brother and translator), and we head to the front praying desperate prayers as we walk. Some lady gets on the mic and angrily tries to quiet the crowd in Spanish. It felt a lot like someone pulling the emergency brake on a train, and it takes about ten minutes for the screeching to stop. Finally she hands me the mic and the crowd gets really quiet. It seems, with all the sideways head tilting and head scratching, that they’re quieting down more out of curiosity and confusion over this strange shaggy white guy in a suit than anything.
As I look out over the crowd, it suddenly dawns on me why God allowed me to walk through the valley of the shadow of microphone death- He has a whole bunch more people that He wants to hear about His Son Jesus, and the abundant life that is only found in Him. The weird confidence returns and it suddenly doesn’t matter what color I am, or how freakishly awkward that transition was, because God is with me.
I don’t know what God did in anyone’s heart last night, but I do know that He spoke a powerful reminder into mine- “Be strong and courageous jonathan. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
